Did You Put Laxatives In My Coffee?
by Love.Lust.PixieDust
Summary: When May is faced with not being able to coordinate unless she gets a summer job, and Drew is faced with no one to make him waffles, May becomes Drew's maid! What will ensue? Shenanigans, of course! And yummy waffles. CS.  Optional  IS, PS, & OS
1. Waffles and Drew's Dirty Underwear?

**A/N: I'm caught between Advancedshipping and Contestshipping for my OTP. I could accept both if they weren't conflicting…XP. Sighsighsighsighsighsigh. Well, this is Contestshipping for those of you who like May and Drew. Yeah. I figured it would be more fun to write. **

**So let's get this baby going :D**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Pokémon, it would have been waaaaay different. There would be a rivalry for May between Ash and Drew, for instance. And Ash wouldn't be a fucking dense-as-hell retard. No offense, Ash. Even though it was totally intended. But yeah, don't sue my ass and all that jazz**

**And if I owned Dictionary dot com…I don't know, some things would happen. Like, apocalyptic things. Because me owning an educational website? Baaaaad news.**

**ok, let's start for real now.**

* * *

**HOW IT ALL STARTED: PROLOGUE**

**Drew's POV**

I woke up in my giant king-sized bed. I stretched and smiled. I always got a good night's sleep on this mattress. It was like heaven in memory-foam form. I was stretching my arms above my head and savoring the delectable feeling that stretching always gave me when a wave of hunger hit me. It was the kind of hunger you got when you skipped dinner and lunch the previous day and woke up and realized what an idiot you'd been not to eat.

"Owww," I moaned, my stomach gurgling in response. I bet the fangirls found _that_ sexy. "Sonya!" I called my personal maid. She should have brought me my waffles with whipped cream and strawberries by now. Just the thought of my usual delicious breakfast sent another wave of angry hunger at me. "SONYA!" I screamed. That girl was getting more careless each day. Was it so bad to want to start my summer off with waffles? I _deserved_ waffles. I fought long and hard in the Kanto/Johto War for waffles.

...Well, okay, I never did that. But I _needed my waffles!_

I groaned and walked down the grand staircase to the Gathering Room. Sure, I wasn't presentable -I was still in my silk PJ pants and walking around shirtless (Love it fangirls, love it)- but I was _starving_.

My mother and father were chatting amiably with each other while seated on the very, very expensive leather couch.

"And that's when I said to Marcus: 'If you're going to play croquet, then you should learn to keep control of your balls.'" I almost snickered at the accidental double meaning in my father's words. But then I was reminded, once again, of the pain in my stomach.

"Precisely. This is why we never play with the Monroe family. They're so queer." My mother agreed. Apparently unfortunate wording was a shared thing.

Here's something you should know about my parents; they're _such_ gossip hounds. My mother really shouldn't have been calling anyone strange, anyways, considering she had green hair.

"Mom, where's Sonya? She neglected to bring me my breakfast. We really should fire her." I said, standing in front of her. I could see her disapproval at my attire, but I couldn't care less.

My mother pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head before looking up at me again. "Drew honey, you did that yesterday, remember? You said, and I quote, 'I CAN MAKE MY OWN DAMN WAFFLES!'"

"Oh. Right." I said. I'd forgotten that. To be honest, I wasn't really that surprised. My maids didn't last that long. But I still had one problem. "Mom, I'm huuuunnngggrryyyyy. I want _waffles_." I whined.

"Well, we don't have anyone to fix them for you. You've earned a reputation, mister, and to be frank, only a fool would agree to be your maid." My father said, piercing green eyes glaring at me. Clearly, this had damaged his reputation.

I sighed and walked the entire way to the kitchen, which was very far away from the gathering room (sometimes living in a mansion had disadvantages). How hard could it be to make waffles?

* * *

Apparently it was very hard. I had batter in my hair, a whipped-cream beard, and somehow some maple syrup had worked its way inside my silk PJ pants. _Great_. I decided to abandon my attempt-at-cooking-that-looked-more-like-a-chemical-experiment-gone-wrong and opted for some berries that were picked by our gardeners. I felt the crushing emptiness that could only be caused by being promised waffles but given fruit.

That was it. I needed a new maid. Somehow, someway, I would get one.

* * *

M**ay's POV:**

"Glaceon, use Ice Shard!" I cried, and my beloved Pokémon complied as usual. The Squirtle I was battling fainted, eyes going all swirly.

"And this contest goes to May Maple!" The judge-lady-person wailed, and I got that high that I always got whenever I won a contest.

The girl I was battling –her name was Katarina or something– shook my hand and smiled warmly. "Good job. I haven't had such a good battle in forever." I smiled and it was like I took another puff of whatever it was giving me my high.

"Thanks. You were really great, too." I responded genuinely.

I accepted a bouquet of roses and my ribbon graciously. No one likes a bad winner. Plus, I didn't really like to gloat; it hurt people's feelings.

Besides, coordinating was my passion, and I was going to be the best. Both in skill and attitude.

Nothing could bring me down from my high.

* * *

I saw Drew at the contest, and I smiled at him. He congratulated me, albeit reluctantly, on my win. Well, sort of.

"Yeah, yeah, June. You aren't the _worst_ coordinator ever." Drew said flippantly.

"Oh shut it, grass head! You aren't so great!" I responded. He made me so _mad_! Infuriating!

"Oh yeah? Wanna prove it? Let's battle!" Drew challenged. He had fire in his eyes, and it was like it was warming my insides, creeping through me, until I was completely engulfed in flames. Talk about getting fired-up **(OOC: Huzzah for bad puns!)**.

"Sure, why not! Wait…is that batter in your hair?"

That shut him up.

I was happy that, for once, I'd out-talked Drew.

Then I got the phone call.

* * *

**Drew's POV:**

I'd cleaned up, but I didn't have time to shower before the contest, or I'd have missed it. So the batter in my hair was completely justified. And I didn't respond because I didn't have to dignify it with a response. I _wasn't _embarrassed because May saw me when I didn't look completely sexy (which wasn't very often, considering). Honest.

Then the most annoying ringtone I'd ever heard filled my ears, but I didn't really pay attention to what May was saying. At least, until her voice rang loud and clear through the room, clearly upset.

"What?" I saw May ask into the cell phone, disbelieving. I wondered what she was talking about. There was a pause. She had my full attention now.

"But, Mom! That's not _fair_!" She looked flustered. Some vague part of me said that this was wrong, _I _was the only one allowed to make her uncomfortable. Another part of me said I sounded like a jealous boyfriend. The first part then smacked the second one upside the head accordingly.

"Mom!" May cried, frantic. It sounded half squeal, half scream. She looked really broken up. My chest tightened, like someone put my heart in a vise and then pulled upward.

"But Mom, how can I get enough ribbons for the Grand Festival if I have to—yes, the Grand Festival _is _that important to me. No, but—you're being unfair, Mom. This is my _dream_. What? No! Mom, please don't do this! _No!_" Tears were threatening to spill over her cheeks, and I rushed forward.

I grabbed the phone and snapped it shut. May looked at me funny. "May, what's wrong?" I asked, and then flipped my hair so I didn't appear too concerned.

"My mom decided I need to learn the value of a dollar. She's making me get a summer job." May said simply.

"But why's that so bad?" I asked, confused. She seemed far too upset about a summer job.

"Because, this was my first ribbon towards this Grand Festival, and I'll never be able to make up the lost time. I can't travel, because it has to be a full-time job."

I sympathized with her, really I did. But it still didn't seem that bad.

"May, there's always next year." I said reassuringly.

"No, there's not. My mom said that if I don't get a job and find a way to balance it with coordination, I can't coordinate until I'm eighteen and out of the house." Harsh. Poor May. "She says I've been spending too much money with my traveling, and she can't fund it anymore." Ouch. If she was gone, who'd be my rival?

That was when I got the idea. It helped her, it helped me, but I didn't think she'd go for it.

"May. What if I said I had away for you to get a job and balance it with coordination?"

* * *

**May's POV**

"_What!"_ I screeched and grasped his chest by his shirt, literally holding on to my last hope. I blushed at the proximity and backed off.

"I don't think you'll like it…" Drew said, looking at the ground.

"Drew! I don't care what it is! As long as it's not like, prostitution. Wait." I looked at him skeptically. "It _isn't _prostitution, is it?"

"Hardly." Drew scoffed. "Who'd pay to have sex with you?" He flicked his hair. Annoying tendencies. HE IRKED ME! Besides, I was _pretty_! All the forty-year-old men who still watch Pokémon would probably do just that.

"Hell-_o_! What job?" I was exasperated, and he was toying with me. That. Bastard. **I WAS FRAGILE, DAMNIT!**

"Well…"

* * *

**Drew's POV:**

I was stalling. I took a deep breath. I was trying to make it as painless as possible. I took _another_ deep breath. I took a third deep breath. Then a fourth. And a fifth. But that was where I stopped because really, there was a limited amount of times you could breathe deeply without earning odd stares. To be honest, I had passed that mark three breaths ago.

I was quiet for a moment.

* * *

**definition of procrastination **(**)**:**

pro·cras·ti·nate

[proh-**kras**-t_uh_-neyt, pr_uh_-] _**verb, **_-nat·ed, -nat·ing.

–_**verb (used without object)**_

**1.**

to defer action; delay: _to procrastinate until an opportunity is lost._

–_**verb (used with object)**_

**2.**

to put off till another day or time; defer; delay.

**[Drew's addition]**

_**verb (used because you are very, very scared)**_

**3. **

To not tell May Maple something to avoid getting your head torn off of your body. _Think about the fangirls!_

* * *

Okay, this was officially an awkward silence. I took my sixth deep breath in three minutes.

"I…need a personal maid." I managed to choke out.

"BAHAHAHAHA!"

* * *

**May's POV:**

I almost cried I laughed so hard.

"Drew, you really are too much! Thank you for cheering me up!" I somehow managed to say between gasping fits of pure, unadulterated laughter.

"May I'm being completely serious." Drew said, clearly losing his patience.

I hit him over the head. This would explain all the awkward breathing; he'd been putting it off. I really didn't blame him. Honestly, I didn't. But I still hit him.

"Are you _crazy_! _Me_ having to do whatever _you _say!" I screeched. Yes, I knew we were causing a scene. Frankly, I didn't care.

* * *

**Drew's POV:**

I'd be lying if I said I didn't expect this. It was _May_ after all.

"Listen May, let's be reasonable. I need a personal maid –due to unfortunate circumstances, I no longer have one–, you need a job, and as my personal maid, you'd be able to travel to the contests with me. Honestly, it's completely logical."

May was quiet for a while.

"Okay." She muttered.

"What?" I asked, disbelieving.

"Okay!" She said, louder. She was blushing furiously.

"July, you're face is going to catch on fire." I said, though I was secretly elated.

"Shut up! It's just…If I'm your maid, don't I have to do your laundry?" May asked sheepishly.

"Yeah…?" I stated/asked, unsure of what this had to do with her blushing.

"Don't I have to wash your dirty underwear?" May muttered again, looking away. Her blush looked almost _painful_.

"Oh." I said, blushing furiously.

What else was there to say?

…Except maybe 'I can wash my own damn underwear', but I remembered what happened last time I traveled down that road…

...That reminds me…I NEVER GOT MY WAFFLES!

* * *

**The End!**

**Yes. Drew is obsessed with waffles. Because they are the epitome of AMAZING! Yeah, it's kinda OOC, but it will get less so (hopefully). It was me trying to show how spoiled Drew is.**

** So love it, children. Love Drew and his waffle-y tendencies.**

**Because I say so.**

**And I am Jesus. Just kidding! (Hope no one's offended!)**

**But for serious, I am awesome. ;DDD**

**To Chapter 1 of my 1****st**** Pokémon fic. Actually, my first fic that isn't TDI T-T I'm sorryyy TDI! I just love Contestshipping. Okay, that's enough. Love y'all! Byeee!**

**-M**

**(**) That definition came from dictionary dot com. I don't own it. Read previous AN**


	2. May's First Day & Coffee Mishaps

**Did You Put Laxative In My Coffee? 2: May's First Day & Coffee Mishaps**

**A/N: This is soooo much fun to write! I still love Contestshipping! Yay!**

**Oh, and let's pretend that Ash, Misty, May, Dawn, Gary, Paul, and Leaf are all really good friends.**

**P.S. Anyone think the series' name is foreshadowing? Hmm? No? Okay. *innocent whistling***

**Drew: Oh God, PixieDust, if you pull that I'm going to **_**kill**_** you, understand?**

**May and I: *snickers***

**Drew: DAMNIT!**

**May: I think you can be my new best friend.**

**Me: Yay!**

**Drew: I hate you both. So, **_**so**_** much. **_**Please**_** rot in Hell.**

**May and I: *still snickering***

**Me: May, you wanna do the honors?**

**May: Sure. PixieDust does not –nor will she ever– own Pokémon or Death Cab for Cutie, or Blink-182, or Ex-Lax for that matter. So don't sue her ass.**

**Me: On with the show!**

**Drew: I hope you two spontaneously combust. Really.**

* * *

**Drew's POV:**

I heard May ring the doorbell, and I got a little nervous. I mean, what if she couldn't make waffles? Then what?

Then there was the fact that she'd be _living_ with me…In my house…Right next to my room…Oh God. She was going to murder me in my sleep, wasn't she? Damn, I hoped not.

What would happen to the fangirls? Hmmm? What about them? Now I refused to answer the door for _their_ sake.

Okay, maybe I was stalling again.

I sighed and answered the door. There was May, in all of her oblivious glory.

"Hey, Grass Head." She murmured, seemingly appraising our floor. Was it dirty or something?

"Hey April." I muttered, appraising a wall to the left of me. When did we get that painting? Hmmm…I must focus all of my attention on this and not on May. Yes, good plan. Great job, Brain.

"Umm…Can you help me with my suitcases?" May asked. I wondered if the floor was really that interesting. I made a mental note to check that out in the next awkward situation I found myself in. You never know when the floor will suddenly explode or something. Yes, you must always keep an eye on it. Damn those tricky floors.

…did that sound as insane as I think it did? Geez, I _hope _not.

"Drew? Drew! DREW!" I heard May shout. Oh yeah, I was supposed to be helping her. _Riiiiiight._

"Oh. Right. Uh…Where are they?" I asked smartly.

"On Jupiter, Grass Head." May rolled her eyes. "In the trunk of my mom's car, genius."

I didn't have a response for that, so I just went out and hefted two heavy-looking suitcases. I started back inside and I noticed May had another suitcase and a large duffle bad over her shoulder. Not to mention a smaller carry-on bag. It reminded me that it would be a _whole summer_. Damn. I foresaw some crazy crap happening.

* * *

"Okay, you're all unpacked, yes?" I asked May, lying on the bed. She nodded. "And you're all situated?" She nodded again. "Cool, can you go get me something to drink? Like a smoothie or something? Actually yeah. A smoothie sounds good." I smirked at her. Who said I couldn't have fun with this?

* * *

**May's POV:**

Once I saw that freaking smirk I was tempted to say '_Get your own smoothie!'_, but then I remembered that I was now his maid.

"Fine." I sighed. "Where's the kitchen?"

"Down both flights of stairs, turn left, turn left, turn right, turn left, turn right. It's huge. Can't miss it. Oh, and if you need instructions on how to make it, Sonya left them. She also left how to make waffles. Utilize that information and this should work out fine." Drew smirked, lying down on my new bed. I had made him leave while I unpacked (hell-_o_, I didn't want him to see my underwear!), but he came back when I finished.

"First floor, left, left, right, left, right?" I repeated. "Can't miss it, directions?"

"Yup." Drew said after he'd thought about what I'd said.

"Oh. One more thing." I said, shooting him a meaningful glance, but he didn't see it because he was looking at the ceiling.

"Yea?"

"If you touch _any_ of my clothes -especially the ones you've never seen- I _will_ murder you in your sleep, yes?" He looked at me, smirk on his face.

"Why, pray tell, would I want to see your _underwear_?" He scoffed. "It's not like there'd be anything interesting."

I almost attacked him, but there were two things stopping me.

The fact that he was now my employer and,

He was on my _bed_, and I wasn't about to wrestle him while he was there.

So sadly I could not kill him.

Yet.

But I sensed it coming.

* * *

The maze of corridors was harder to maneuver than I thought. But finally I reached the gigantic kitchen that any chef would kill to own. There were built-in deep fryers. Like in _Paula Deen's _kitchen! Luckily I liked to cook. It didn't take long to find Sonya's recipe book, and I noticed on one of the dog-eared pages –the one for waffles– had a note scribbled on it.

_I am SO sick of making waffles every morning for that spoiled brat! I AM GOING TO SHOOT HIM!_

Huh, so 'Sonya' had similar opinions of Drew that I did. Cool. Smart woman. But I had a mission, and that was to make smoothies. I found the recipe quickly, and noticed that it was titled '_His Greeness' Smoothies that He Almost Never Finishes but Always Requests I Make_'

I pulled out a blender, some ice cream, milk, fruit, etc.

It didn't take long to make, and it served two, so I poured us both a glass and put them on a silver platter and headed back to my room. Drew was still on my bed, and he appeared to be asleep.

"AHEM!" I coughed, and he looked at me. He smirked at me

"Took you long enough." Drew reached over to grab one, but his hand didn't reach completely and it knocked the glass over. And it spilled. _All over me_.

I gasped and started screeching. "Cold! Cold! _COLD!"_

Drew just snickered. "_Whoops!_" He laughed. It all made sense right then.

"You did that _on purpose!_" I cried. He just smirked at me.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Anyways, I'm still thirsty, June." Drew said, his laughter having died out.

"Well here, take _my _smoothie." I sighed. I was hungry, and that smoothie looked really good.

"No. I want something hot. Make me some coffee." Drew said decisively.

"Can I change first? I have smoothie in all my nooks and crannies." I pleaded. It was my first day, and I was already pleading with him. This would be a long summer.

"No. I want it now. Make me a cappuccino, two shots of espresso, add some caramel. Lots of whipped cream. Again, Sonya's recipe book." I glared at him so hard, I was sure he'd catch on fire. Well, I was hoping anyways.

"Are you even _allowed_ to have coffee little boy? What would mommy say if her little Andrew was drinking coffee? Wait…where are your parents anyways?" I sneered.

"Yes, I'm allowed to have coffee, if you ever call me Andrew again, you're fired, and they decided they didn't want to be here in case I drove you to murder. They'll be back in two weeks." Drew answered my questions in order.

"Whatever, Grass Head."

"Aww, August, don't get too down; at least you can still drink your smoothie." Drew gestured to the smoothie in my hand.

"I don't think I'll ever want to drink smoothies again." I muttered, and I heard him snickering as I left.

* * *

I put the smoothie in the fridge in case he wanted one later; I'd make sure that if it spilled, it would be on _him_.

Honestly, if you've never had smoothie in your bra, try and avoid it at all costs.

I found the book again and found the coffee recipe.

'_The Royal Brat's Favorite Coffee'_ it said. I noticed there was an 'optional' section. In it, Sonya had scrawled: Chocolate Ex-Lax. Never suspects a thing.

Sonya could soooo be my new best friend **(A/N: I thought I was your best friend! *sniffle*)**. For serious. She was _amazing_.

So I got all the ingredients. The Ex-Lax was a little harder to find, but definitely worth it.

I made the coffee (they had one of those coffee-shop machines) and put it in a one of those padded cups to make it less hot. I couldn't do anything about the top, however, because of the whipped cream.

I took it up to him and he drank it without spilling it.

"This isn't half bad, March. I'm impressed." Drew admitted. I smirked. Not only did he praise me for it, but come around 8:30-ish...heh. It took all my will not to start laughing.

* * *

We had some super-fancy dinner that I didn't even have to make.

"Wait. How come I have to cook your breakfast and lunch, but not your dinner?" I asked, savoring the deliciousness. I tried to ignore the fact that Drew and I were right across from each other and that it was a lot like a date. Especially since it was low-lit. I mentally noted that we'd be having these 'dates' for _two weeks_ until his parents came home. Then it would be dinner with the parents. I blushed, but he probably couldn't see it.

"We have Jacques cook dinner because it's a family thing. So obviously our personal maids wouldn't make it. But since Jacques can't cook every meal –we rarely eat anything but dinner together– he just cooks dinner." Drew explained. "At least, that's what my mom says. I think she just doesn't want me to give Jacques a mental breakdown like my maids." He looked kind of thoughtful.

I really, really tried to ignore how the light caught his face and made him look a lot more delicious than the food. Holy shit. Where did _that _come from? Snap out of it, May!

"Oh." I said simply. I was afraid that if I said too much, it would come out sounding fangirl-y. Yuck.

* * *

**Drew's POV: **

I was a little uncomfortable by how date-y this thing was. And it didn't help that May looked as pretty as usual. Even more so. She'd changed out of her smoothie-soaked clothing (some part of my mind wondered how the smoothie made her lips taste…Oh my God. Did I really just think that?) into a pretty dress.

I was afraid that I was going to do something stupid and Ash-like and tell her that she looked good. Because that boy was blunt/dense enough to do that. And unlike him, I know that she'd hit me.

I was almost grateful when the maids cleared away our dinner.

"Hey, want to hang out in my room for a bit?" I heard myself ask. I mentally shouted at myself for that one. _You retard! Do you know how pervy that sounded? Why do I even talk to you?_ And then I gave myself the silent treatment.

I was starting to think that I needed serious mental help.

"Um. Sure." May blushed. "Why not?"

* * *

"Oh my God! How can you even _say _that? No way is Death Cab for Cutie better than Blink-182! Are you _high_?" May squealed from my bed. Somehow she ended up lying on it and I ended up on my comfy leather couch.

"Blink's okay, but I'm not big into punk. Death Cab helps me chill." I replied calmly. We were in a debate about music.

"I like Death Cab, too. Don't get me wrong. But they can't hold a candle to Blink." May said. I was about to protest, but she cut me off. "Hey, what time is it anyways?" She asked.

"Uh…" I glanced at my Rolex, "about 8:15." I saw her go deep into thought, like she was calculating something.

"Hey, I have an idea." May said sheepishly.

"Yeah? What?" I inquired. I was curious. I stared at the ceiling.

"I think we should have a small party tomorrow." May suggested, twiddling her fingers.

I was silent for a minute. "Who would we invite?" May seemed surprised that I even considered it.

May thought for a second. "Misty, Dawn, Leaf. Oh, and you can invite Ash, Gary, and Paul."

"Okay."

"Oh! And it can be a sleepover party, too! Obviously not all in the same room, though."

"Sure. Sounds fun." I said. I really didn't like sleepovers too much but it _did_ sound kind of fun.

"Thanks, Grass Head!" May squealed. She jumped off the bed and hugged me. I blushed.

"Uh…October?" I could feel heat rising to my face. "Can you let me go now?"

"Oh. Yeah." May blushed and looked away. "I'm gonna go to my room and read or something." May muttered and left. She seemed to want to get very far away from me. Was it just because of the hug? Or was it something else-

Oh God. I think my stomach is about to explode.

* * *

**May's POV:**

At first I felt a little bad about the whole 'Ex-Lax' thing. I mean, he was letting me have a party! But then I remembered that I'd have to clean smoothie out of my shower (each room had its own full bathroom. God, what did his parents _do _for a living? Make diamonds out of hay?) and I didn't feel so bad anymore.

Then, I heard the toilet flush shortly after I left. I couldn't help but snicker.

And for the rest of the night, every time I heard his toilet flush through the walls (thankfully that was _all_ I could hear), I almost exploded laughter.

And _that_, dear Grass Head, is why you never mess with May Maple.

FIN!

* * *

**Oooh! A party! Total Spur-of-the-moment idea on my part. Beware of Ikarishipping, Pokeshipping, Oldrivalshipping, and yeah, more Contestshipping ;)**

**Drew: *cries* Why? Why, you evil woman? Why would you do this to me? The pain, the pain!**

**May and I: Suck it up, Buttercup. **

**Me: So…uh…May. What was that about Sonya being your best friend? I thought **_**I**_** was your best friend?**

**May: *sweat drops***

**Drew: Ha-ha! You're in trouble, May! Next time **_**you**_** get the laxatives!**

**Me: No, Drew. No she does not. Because PixieDust don't roll that way. I don't hold grudges. I forgive you May.**

**May: D'aw, thanks!**

**Drew: WHY? WHY! I HATE YOU ALL SO MUCH!**

**May and I: Oh shut up!M**

**Me: Drew, sit in your corner. **

**Drew: A time-out? _Really?_ Way to be sophisticated, PixieDust. I hate you. Please fall off of a cliff.**

**Me: Hey. I could make _Harley_ one of your fangirls. Hmm...I wonder what would happen if I invited him and made you guys a gay couple?**

**Drew: *sweat drops* I love you, PixieDust. Please leave Harley out of the story!**

**Me: Heh. **


	3. FullThrottle Spin the Bottle

**DYPLIMC 3: Full-Throttle Spin the Bottle**

**A/N: Okay, super long A/N (READ IT! READ IT CHILDREN! READ IT!) :**

**Ages (kind of random, kind of based on fact. KIND OF. Like May is older than Dawn because she was a trainer before her, and Ash is older than May. I think Misty is supposed to be older than Ash too, but I'm not for sure):**

**Misty: 18**

**Ash: 17**

**Leaf, May, Drew, Paul: 16**

**Dawn: 15**

...

**Until the party is over:**

**Since I'm aware that some of the pairings in this fanfic may not be well liked (Ikarishipping, Pokeshipping, Oldrivalshipping, and Anti-Egoshipping) I'm putting warnings before and after the ships start so you can skip them if that's the case (except for Contestshipping. If you don't like that, why read this?) They aren't critical to the story, just little bonus bits. **

**Drew: Mostly, she's just an attention whore and doesn't want to lose readers.**

**Misty: *hits him on head with mallet* jerk! **

**Dawn: *crying* STOP THE FIGHTING!**

**Paul: Stop **_**spazzing**_**. Tch.**

**Ash: …what? I'm hungry! GET IN MAH BELLY!**

**Gary: Wow Ash. Just…Wow.**

**Leaf: Are you guys ignoring me?**

**May: Yes, Leaf. Yes we are.**

**Leaf: Meanie! **

**Dawn: CAN'T YOU SEE THIS FANFICTION IS TEARING US APART?**

**Me: SHUT UP! OKAY, WHO'S DOING THE DISCLAIMER?**

**Everyone but Paul: I AM!**

**Me: Okay, Paul: do it.**

**Paul: Really? **_**Really?**_** *sighs* Fine. PixieDust does not own anything but the story…blah, blah, blah… fuck off legal people in suits. **

**Me: Was that so hard?**

**Paul: Yes.**

**Me: *sighs* on with the show!**

* * *

**May's POV:**

"Drew, you do know that tonight I'm _not_ your maid, right?" I asked Drew.

"Yeah, Maple. You only told me two or ten times." Drew rolled his eyes and flicked his hair.

It was almost time for the guys to get here. We didn't really decorate because it was just our closest friends. And no liquor. Because Drew was a wuss, and Dawn was…Dawn. I doubt she'll drink after _last_ time.

Let's just say it involved Dawn deciding she could fly and trying to jump off Gary's roof. In her defense, it was Halloween, someone spiked the punch, she was dressed as an angel, and she thought her wings were real.

* * *

_*Cue Flashback*_

"_Dawn, you are drunk. Let's go home." I said, trying to get Dawn in Drew's car. _

"_Just…jus' way a sec! I'ma try n' fly!" _ _The sentence was complete with arm-flapping motions. Dear God, what have I gotten myself into?_

"What?_" I asked incredulously. "Dawn, you cannot fly."_

"_Stop tryin' to oppress me! I'm an ANGEL! I kin' FLY, Goddamnit!" Dawn slurred. It was the first time I'd heard her cuss._

"_Oh dear Lord. Dawn, you _aren't _actually an angel." I shouldn't have to explain this._

"_That's what you think! But an'ways I jus' drank some Red Bull. 'Member? Red Bull gives you wiiiings!" Dawn looked so serious. I couldn't help laughing._

_I was drunk too, but Dawn was _shitfaced_. Like, drunk off her ass. _

"_Mmkay, Dawn. We're going home." I giggled, and Drew, the only sober one (figures), drove us home to my house. She was gonna spend the night; I couldn't let her parents see her like this._

"_Thanks Drew!" I remember calling. "I love you! Bye!" I called._

"What_?" Drew's jaw dropped to the ground. I drunkenly wondered if any bugs would get in his mouth with it hanging open like that._

"_Bye!" I called again. Drew was still watching me. I bumped into a tree. "I love you, Tree!" I'd said. Then I became the literal definition of 'tree hugger'. This pattern continued for a while with several objects in my yard. I even ended up hugging the railing of my steps. "I love you, too, Railing!" Dawn had passed out in Drew's car and he had to carry her inside._

"_HAPPY HALLOWEEN!" I howled into the night._

"_Crazy bitch." I heard Drew mutter, but I was too drunk to care. Plus, he'd had my back, and that made it okay. I saw him smirk and flick his hair as he went to his car. Sooo typical._

_*End Flashback*_

* * *

Ah, good times.

The doorbell rang, breaking me out of my reverie.

Leaf opened it without waiting for me to answer.

"Hey May!" She called, wrapping me in a hug.

"Leaf, you're choking me!" I strangled out. She had me in a vise-grip.

"Oh sorry!" Leaf laughed. She was so crazy.

* * *

Dawn and Misty arrived together. Dawn was already in her PJ's.

"Dawn, are those Hello Kitty pajamas?" I asked looking at her pants. Her top was just a black tank top with Hello Kitty and some stars. Her pants were sky-blue with winking Hello Kitty heads and hello kitty written in white in the background.

"Yup! Aren't they cute?" Dawn asked, smiling.

"Well duh. They're _Hello Kitty_. That makes them amazing by default." I said this as if it was obvious. A triumphant Dawn looked at Misty and grinned.

"See! I _told_ you they were awesome!"

"Dawn, May wears spandex and a fanny pack on most days. Do you _really_ think her stamp of approval on clothing is a _good _thing?" Misty pointed out. I tackled her to the ground.

"Guys! Don't fight!" Dawn screeched.

Misty and I wrestled each other until we heard a familiar voice ring out loud and clear.

"A chick fight? Hot." Said Gary, leaning in the doorway. Ash accompanied him, as did Paul. "Please, don't stop on our account."

I hadn't even noticed them come in. Wow, I really_ was_ oblivious.

* * *

**(POKESHIPPING-Skip if it isn't your thing.)**

Why did Misty look really embarrassed at that comment? I saw her shoot a few sheepish looks at Ash. Ohhhh. I smiled. The most blunt, forward person I'd ever met had a crush on the _densest_ person I'd ever met.

I just _had _to torture her about this later.

**(POKESHIPPING END)**

* * *

**(OLDRIVALSHIPPING-Skip if it isn't your thing.)**

**Leaf's POV:**

A nerve was struck when Gary called them _hot_. I kind of huffed. He was such a _perv_. That was why it was bothering me.

That's my story, and damnit, I'm sticking to it!

I sort of started glaring at him.

"What's your problem, Leaf?" Gary asked.

"You are such a _pervert_!" I said, reddening. Pretty please let him interpret that as anger.

Apparently not, because he leaned toward me until our faces were inches apart. "Are you _sure_ that's what's bothering you, Leaf?" Gary asked, winking suggestively. It made me want to… I don't. Just…shut up, okay?

"Of course it is!" I scoffed and pushed him away, blushing completely. There's no way it looked like anger now. I gritted my teeth. Well, it was part anger.

"You suck Gary, you know that?" I told him, completely seriously, looking at my feet.

* * *

**Gary's POV: **

That…_hurt_. I didn't like it at all. It made me want to…I don't know. Just…shut up, okay?

I…I just don't know.

"Sorry." I muttered, finding the floor increasingly interesting.

When did this happen? I'm a playboy. I don't care about girls! Not that I care about Leaf or anything…*awkward laugh/cough*

**(OLDRIVALSHIPPING END)**

* * *

**May's POV:**

"Excuse me, Gary? Did you just call us hot?" I asked incredulous.

"No. I didn't call you guys hot. I called chick-fighting hot. I wouldn't step in on Drew's territory." Gary assured, sending sideways glances and coy smiles at me and Drew.

"WHAT! I AM _NO ONE'S _TERRITORY! ESPECIALLY THAT DUMBASS GRASS HEAD!" I screamed at the same time Drew screamed; "EWWWW! WHY WOULD I LIKE THAT HOT-HEADED WANNA-BE COORDINATOR?"

"_What _did you just say Drew?" I asked him, looking at him with my eyes like daggers of pure loathing.

"Uhhhmmmm…ALL HEIL THE PRINCESS OF HOENN!" Drew said, looking panicked.

"That's what I _thought_ you said." I huffed and pointed my chin upwards.

I heard Gary make a "Witchoo" noise that I assumed was supposed to resemble a whip because he whispered: "_Somebody's _whipped," to Ash and Paul.

I giggled because it was _so true_! And I was supposed to be his maid? Hah! I scoff in your face and put laxatives in your beverages when you suggest such a thing!

For serious, I'm soooo over feeling bad about that. Partly because he told me today that the reason he was flushing so much was because my presence had been making him sick and he'd been vomiting.

Not only did that sound incredibly lame (because it was a _LIE!_), it was also incredibly rude.

* * *

_*Cue Flashback*_

_"Hey, what was all the flushing last night?" I asked, purposefully putting him on the spot._

"_I was throwing up. I probably got sick because your presence makes me physically ill. You do have that effect on people you know." Drew had said with a hair flick and a smirk. LIES!_

"_Oh yeah? I bet you were throwing up because of nerves. I mean, how often do you invite devastatingly attractive girls to live with you? It's okay, don't be intimidated; us beautiful people are just like you non-desirables on the inside." I winked at him suggestively, and he turned the color of a cherry. Mmm…cherries._

"_Did you just call me a non-desirable? Please! I know you want me May. Just admit it." Drew had said, returning the wink but adding _another _hair flick. Tch. So vain._

"_Awww, look at it! Talking like it thinks it's a person! How pathetically cute." I'd said, pinching his cheeks. He glared until the sentence registered._

"_So you think I'm cute, eh?" Drew asked, smirking. _

"_In your _dreams,_ Grass Head!" I said, but Drew just walked forward, me walking backwards, until I was pressed against a wall._

"_It's okay May. Just admit it. Who knows? Maybe _I_ think _you're _cute, too." Drew said, his face dangerously close to mine. My eyes widened and I felt my face damn near catch on fire._

_But then, much to my surprise (and something that felt way too much like disappointment for my comfort), Drew backed away. "Or maybe I'm just full of shit. Guess we'll never know." He said with a shrug, and my embarrassment turned to anger quickly._

"_Stupid Grass-Hole!" I screamed, but he just laughed._

_*End Flashback*_

* * *

So after playing with my emotions (DAMNIT! I'M FUCKING FRAGILE! GRAHHHH!), I decided I no longer felt bad.

"Okay! Let's play spin the bottle!" I heard Dawn shout. What a typical Dawn thing to do… **(A/N: okay…LOTS of ships coming up.)**

"ABSOLUTELY!" Yelled Leaf excitedly.

"Fine." Sighed I reluctantly.

"I'm too old for this crap." Muttered Misty angrily.

"What's spin the bottle?" Questioned Ash predictably.

"Yeah! ALRIGHT!" Enthused Gary perversely.

"Sounds _fun_." Mused Drew sarcastically.

"Hn." Hn'ed Paul.

"Well, now that we're all in agreement…sort of…let's play!" Dawn said, whipping out an empty old-school glass Coke bottle. Where the FUCK did she get that from? It's like she pulled it out of her ass and…let's not continue this train of thought.

The point being, by the law of physics, that bottle should not be here when a second ago it was not.

But it _was_. I had no idea why this bothered me so much.

Maybe it was the _game _that was bothering me. Because spin the bottle meant I might have to kiss…_*shudder*_ You-know-who.

"Okay, let's sit on the floor where there's no carpet so it will spin better." Dawn said animatedly.

* * *

**(IKARISHIPPING-Skip if it isn't your…I think you all get it by now.)**

**Paul's POV:**

"Cool, I'll spin first!" Not surprisingly, Troublesome wanted to go first. Whatever it took to get rid of her 'eager face'. That was just _scary_.

The bottle spun around dizzily, and I anticipated where it would land.

**(Round and round the bottle goes, where it stops PixieDust knows!)**

And…Yup. I knew it. I fucking knew it. On me.

Well, it's better than if it landed on Gary…He'd probably molest her or something.

Okay, deleting that thought now.

"Uhh…I guess I have to kiss Paul now?" It sounded like a question.

"OH! Is _that_ how Spin the Bottle works?" Ash asked. I almost slapped my forehead –or better yet, _his_– but I was too nervous for that.

"Yes to both of those stupid questions." Misty said, annoyance clear in her tone.

"Oh…Okay…" Dawn leaned closer to me, a blush evident on her face. I coughed awkwardly and just as I was about to kiss her (no comment), she leaned away and shrieked.

Did my breath smell bad or something?

"I'm sorry, Paul. I can't do this!" Dawn cried –literally, there were tears– and ran to God-knows-where.

"Uh…Okay?" I was confused. Wow. Overreaction, huh? I followed her. Why, I don't know. Maybe I'm a masochist and I wanted to get shot down again.

Or maybe I genuinely cared about Dawn and did not enjoy seeing her cry.

…who am I kidding? I don't have _feelings_!

Nevertheless, I found her crying against a door, not very creatively hidden considering she was a few corridors from where we'd been originally and ASH could even find her with how loud she was crying. And Ash is the king of all that is oblivious, so that was saying a lot.

"Uh…are you okay?" I ask, despite obvious evidence to the contrary.

"No." Dawn looked like she was trying really, really hard not to add 'are you fucking retarded?'

"Uhm…why?" Didn't I sound like an intellectual?

"I wasn't ready for my first kiss." She admitted sheepishly.

"That…doesn't make any sense. You suggested the game and _volunteered_ to go first." I pointed out.

"I'm a woman. I don't _have _to make sense." Dawn said looking at me like I was stupid. "GRAH! This is when you're supposed to say something like 'oh, kissing isn't so hard, it's no big deal' and make me feel better."

"…But I haven't kissed anyone either." I admitted.

"Oh." She blushed. More silence…Until Dawn sighed helplessly, like she was dealing with a 'special' child. "_Now_ you're supposed to be romantic and say something like 'I've been waiting for you'. God, you fucking _suck_ at this." Dawn only ever cussed when she was really worked up. So, I deduced brilliantly, she must've been really worked up.

"Uhm…Are you saying you want me to kiss you?" I asked. I sounded like fucking Ash. _That_ dense. I didn't have much experience with dealing with girls, if that wasn't painstakingly obvious.

"Do I have to give you a freaking manual?" Dawn asked exasperatedly, complete with melodramatic gestures that included, but were not limited to, heavy sighing and eye rolling.

"…Actually I think that would help." I said, even though I knew she'd get upset.

"It was a rhetorical question." Dawn rolled her eyes. I noticed that her tears seemed completely cured and- oh my God she planned this.

"Your tears seem completely cured and- oh my God you planned this." I said, unaware that I was thinking aloud. Again, I'm not good with the feminine population.

"You. Are. So. Dense. We should call you Ash." Dawn mused light-heartedly with a smile on her face.

"No need to be hurtful."

"Just shut up and kiss me, Paul." She smiled, and I did just that. Because, hey. I _did_ have hormones.

And then Misty, Ash, Leaf, Gary, Drew, and May entered. Let us give them props on their perfect cock-blockage, so to speak. Really great timing.

"Uh…" Said Misty.

"Uh…" Said Leaf.

"Uh…" Said Gary.

"Uh…" Said Drew.

"Uh…" Said May.

"Uh…" Said Ash. Though, to be fair, this was typically in character.

Who said the art of conversation was dead? **(**)**

"Uh…" I said. Great, idiocy was catching. "This is _exactly _what it looks like."

**(IKARISHIPPING END)**

* * *

**(POKESHIPPING/OLDRIVALSHIPPING/ANTI-EGOSHIPPING- If it doesn't sit right with you, move along. It'll focus all three, then Oldrivalshipping, then Pokéshipping, and Anti-Egoshipping the whole time.)**

**Misty's POV:**

Knowing Dawn, she was going to make me go…

"Misty! You go!" Dawn exclaimed, her ridiculous blue Hello Kitty pants ruffling as she jumped up and down excitedly.

I spin it and pray it lands on Ash. Or at least not on Gary-I can't _stand_ him.

…It lands on Gary.

Damn it.

"Uhm…okay." I say, wanting more than anything to sneak a peek at how Ash handles this, but I am too prideful.

I can tell Gary wants to check on Leaf. _So_ obvious.

I lean closer, closer, _closer_ until our lips almost brush when…

* * *

**(CUE OLDRIVALSHIPPING)**

**Leaf's POV:**

I was upset. I'll admit it.

But I don't know why.

I see him about to kiss one of my closest friends –it must be because I don't want Misty to be subject to this! Yes! Let's go with that!

Whatever the reason, I yank Gary back hard by the arm before they can kiss. I'm looking away when I do it.

"What the-?" I heard Gary ask before he fell backwards.

"Sorry." I murmured, and then stumbled away.

"Leaf?" Gary called. "_Leaf!_" I heard his footsteps echoing mine and, being the faster runner, he caught up with me.

He pushed me against a wall and leaned against me, our bodies connecting everywhere but our faces.

"I _knew_ you wanted me." He said, a semi-triumphant smirk on his face.

Then he kissed me.

And I let him.

Fuck, I _encouraged _him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, hands fisting his hair.

Yeah. I could get used to that.

**(END OLDRIVALSHIPPING)**

* * *

**(ENTER POKESHIPPING- yup. Lots of ships. Like a pirate. If you don't have sea-legs for this one, stay away, scurvy dog. That sounded lame even to me. Okay, different things happen to interrupt the kiss than the above.)**

**Misty's POV:**

I was about to kiss Gary –ewww– when he stopped and smirked.

"I think I'll let Ash field this one." He gestured to the boy to my left. Did I mention how much I loved Gary sometimes? Actually, no. I still didn't love him. That would take more than setting me up with Ash.

A lot more.

I smiled and looked at Ash for approval. He grinned that big, goofy grin of his and I blushed.

He leaned toward me, past my lips, to my ear. He whispered: "Maybe I'm not as dense as you think."

"Maybe I'm not as close to you right now as I need to be." I answered simply. I _felt _his smile on my ear and I shuddered.

"Maybe I can fix that." He said and he pulled me gently against him.

And _wow_ could that boy kiss. It was while we were making out that we heard the awkward coughs and surprised gasps of the people around us. I decided to pull back.

"Take a picture; it lasts longer." I said and I kissed him again. Because, damnit, I could now.

* * *

**May's POV:**

Huh. I guess I can't torture Misty about her crush if she and Ash are actually a couple.

…Nah. I'll still torture her. Smirkkk.

**(END POKESHIPPING)**

* * *

**May's POV**

It was my turn to spin the bottle. I remember everyone else's kisses and their awkwardness. But now it's my turn.

I spun the Coke-bottle-that-materialized-randomly and, since I understood that good things don't often happen to bad people, I expected it to land on the Grass Hole.

And yeah, it did.

He blushed. I blushed. We blushed. Our friends blushed. Really, it was all about the blushing.

"Um…" I said.

"Um…" He agreed.

I almost missed the meaningful glance between Misty and Leaf. Almost. Normally, this wouldn't have mattered, but when I noticed that Leaf was moving _right behind _Drew, and Misty was _already behind _me, I figured out what they were going to do.

Apparently, so did Drew, because we opened our mouths to speak at the exact same time. But we were cut off when two rough hands shoved us so our lips collided.

With our mouths open.

Note to self: Leaf and Misty are _soooo_ getting Death Notes.

So now I was open-mouth kissing _Drew-fucking-Hayden_, and I realized, much to my utter repulsion, he was _good_ at it. _Really_ good. So I kissed him back. I gave our friends a show.

And c'mon, it isn't everyday you get kissed by people who know what they're doing.

And then, when our lungs were met with the physical requirement for oxygen, we pulled away. But only after a good 30-seconds. A _very_ good 30 seconds. But not because of personal feelings for Drew. Because he could kiss well. That's _all_.

_May, how are the crocodiles? _My inner-voice asked me.

_What?_ I responded.

_You know, in De Nile?_ Inner-voice (I called her Pancake) teased.

_Oh very funny. _I replied sarcastically.

I _thought so_. Pancake said. _And stop thinking of me as Pancake!_

_Nope! _

_You suck, May. Major ones._

_At least my name isn't Pancake!_

_SHUT UP!_

Okay, talking to yourself was one thing. But arguing with yourself? Yeah, that belongs-in-an-insane-asylum shit.

So I ignored Pancake and her crazy theories about crocodiles.

I noticed Drew was staring at me funny. I probably had a strange look on my face during my conversation with Pancake, so it was understandable.

"Well _this _is awkward." I said, and Drew nodded in agreement.

Damn, this was going to get interesting.

* * *

**A/N: Long chapter if you read all the ships, short chapter if you didn't. But there was lots of Contestshipping goodness so you can't get mad at me.**

**Drew: I CAN! You made me kiss **_**May!**_

**May: Oh, and what's wrong with kissing me? *evil glare***

**Drew: *sweat drops* N-nothing, Princess of Hoenn!**

**May: Thought so!**

**Gary: WHIPPED! *whip noise that earlier I called 'witchoo' **

**May: So Drew, how does it feel to have me mentally castrate you?**

**Drew: You have **_**not**_** done that.**

**May: Should I make it physically too?**

**Drew: I really, really hate you guys.**

**Me: Ah, young love.**

**May and Drew: Shut up, She-Devil!**

**Me: *laughs evilly***

**(**): That joke was borrowed from Pokemopolis dot net. I don't own that, either.**


	4. Truth or Dare & SleepingBags

**DYPLIMC? 4: Because it doesn't Matter if You Host a Co-ed Sleepover as Long as Everyone is in Their Own Sleeping-bag **

**Dedication: To you guys, because every time you review it, favorite it, or add it to story alert, I smile and blush and think 'oh, well just for that person who is enjoying it, I'll try to write extra speedy and work even harder'. Maybe I'm a big sap but all I hope for is to make you guys laugh or go 'aww, how cute.' So thank you, kind readers, for being way too nice to me. Flames are accepted! You all deserve a cookie :D! **

**Oh and since I forgot last chapter, Gary is 17, too. Poor Dawn is only 15 and she's hanging around with the horrible influences! I'm corrupting cute little Dawn! But in my opinion, drunken Dawn equals awesome. So I keep writing it. Does that make me a horrible person? **

…**Probably. **

**Title didn't fit in box. But yes, party shenanigans continue (including the most old-fashioned sleepover game **_**ever**_**), shippings continue, alcohol makes a surprise appearance, and apparently people are having trouble telling whether the sleeping-bag on the floor is theirs. You'd think the fact that someone is already in it might be a dead give-away. But maybe that's just me.**

**Gary: Niiiice.**

**Dawn: Oh dear. I can't have alcohol! Remember last time?**

**May: But that was SO funny!**

**Dawn: I almost jumped off Gary's roof! That's just dangerous!**

**Paul: That still just sounds funny to me.**

**Leaf: That's because you're a sadist.**

**Ash: What's that?**

**Drew: Ash, if you're going to start thinking, try not to hurt yourself.**

**Ash: Huh..?**

**Dawn: GUYS, IT'S NOT FUNNY! I ALMOST JUMPED OFF OF A ROOF!**

**May: Well that wasn't smart. But someone *cough*GARY*cough* spiked the punch so you didn't know you were drinking booze. Of course you went overboard. It won't be too bad, as long as you don't drink so much…**

**Me: Guys? Disclaimer? Any day now. **

**Misty: Because PixieDust decided not to give me any lines yet, I'll do it. Listen, Legal Guys, if PixieDust owned Pokémon there would be shenanigans of the highest proportions and sexual tension that could poke your eye out. Plus, James would cross dress more. Cuz that's just funny. So no, she doesn't own anything but the story, much to her everlasting dismay. But she **_**does**_** own the CBA.**

**Me: Riiiiiight… ON WITH THE SHOW!**

* * *

**May's POV: **

"Sooooo…" Dawn grinned evilly, having pulled me aside. "What's with you and Drew?"

"N-Nothing!" I stammered. Did we really seem like that much of a couple?

"Suuuuuuuuuuuuure." Dawn winked and her grin grew wider. She pulled me back where everyone else was. Oh God, she had a plan. That was a dangerous, dangerous thing.

"OOH~~~~! I GOT ANOTHER IDEA!" Screamed Dawn, and she clapped her hands giddily.

"Oh God, please no. Please, please, _please_ no." I prayed quietly.

"TRUTH OR DARE!" Dawn squealed, and I smacked my forehead. That conniving little-

"Sounds like fun!" Gary said. It could only get worse from here. "But first, I think I have something that would make it better." Gary winked and left to get something out of his car.

Oh Lord, knowing Gary, this was going to either a.) Become a giant orgy b.) Get really alcoholic _really, really fast._

I wasn't sure which was worse, considering that Dawn was in our presence. And when there was vodka, someone usually ended up streaking. And this was a posh neighborhood so there were _cameras_ recording all the things that happened on these streets. Surprise! Oh hey, Drew's parents. No, we weren't streaking. What gave you that idea?

I could almost picture the officer: _"Mr. and Mrs. Hayden? Are you aware that there were naked children coming from your house running around the streets? Just thought you'd like to know." _

Then I would be fired and I wouldn't be allowed to coordinate and I'd be grounded for _life _and…oh god I was spiraling.

* * *

**Dawn's POV:**

Great. Just great. They pulled out a bottle of Bacardi Razz that Gary –for purposes best left unexplained– had in his car.

Everyone but me seemed to welcome this with open arms.

I heard Paul mutter to Drew; "If I'm going to play Truth or Dare, I'm going to need to get a little inebriated first." Drew nodded his head in agreement, which was surprising because I'd never seen him drink before. But lo and behold, he took a swig of the rum and passed it to May, who took more than her fair share.

But I _couldn't _drink. Not after last time.

Really, I thought I had wings. _Wings_. Something tells me May already explained this. It's not just a hunch; she tells it to _everyone_, relevant or not.

One time, May and I were shopping for groceries for her mom, when I wandered off to get something. When I came back, May was telling the story to a strange man with long purple hair who was dressed as a Cacturne. And then she went and told another strange person whom she'd never met. Then the checkout lady. Then, when we reached a red light going home, the person next to us had their window down, and May explained it to _them_ while waiting for the light to change.

Honestly, after a point it stops being comical and starts hinting at serious mental issues.

The point being me + copious amounts (or even small amounts) of alcohol = some sort of semi-suicidal shenanigan.

Like the time I thought I was Aquaman and declared I would stay underwater for the rest of my life, never breaking the surface of Gary's pool for oxygen.

In my defense, it _seemed_ like a reasonable idea at the time.

…Don't judge me.

Come to think of it, why is Gary always the instigator of alcoholic misadventures? Note to self: confiscate Gary's fake idea when he's not looking, I'm tired of it. I do really crazy, bad-for-my-reputation thing. Especially when I utterly convinced that in order to save the world, I had to hug everyone in LaRousse with my unicorn assistant (I didn't know at the time that it was May with a party hat on her head). I got _restraining orders_ for that one.

But while they were drinking-passing-it-down, I wasn't doing anything. Because I was _sane_. And _smart_. And _reasonable _(not to mention humble). So I was going to stay sober.

* * *

Yeah, that didn't work out too well.

It's just that what's more fun than drunken Truth or Dare? People don't lie on the truths! And the dares get crazier. So _of course _I had to join!

…Don't judge me.

* * *

**Misty's POV:**

Being the eldest of all my friends, I was the best holder of my liquor with the exception of Paul. So I was still too rational to want to play Truth or Dare. But then Dawn did her 'pwetty pwease' puppy dog eyes and…

Damnit, now I had to play a stupid kid's game!

…And we were out of Bacardi!

"Gary, if we're going to play drunk Truth or Dare, we're going to need more alcohol." I proclaimed.

"What? Do I really seem like the kind of guy to keep a travel bar in their car or something?" Gary asked indignantly.

"…Yes?"

"I find that comment offensive and-" Gary started, but I cut him off.

"Gary, just go get the damn liquor."

There was a pause.

"Fine." Gary sighed and went back out to his car.

* * *

Okay, so everyone but Paul, Drew, Gary, and I were tipsy. Paul because…he has some sort of immunity to feeling anything. Drew because he's above demeaning himself with open drunkenness (when he learned to hold his liquor like that, I'll never know). Gary because he was more concerned with getting the girls drunk enough to get in their pants (maybe I'm exaggerating, but only slightly). And me because I can hold my alcohol like a pro.

See, the idea was to get us drunk enough that we have fun, but not so drunk that we acted retarded.

So when Leaf, Dawn, and May started to suggest streaking (which Gary totally encouraged), I took away the booze. Gary kind of started sulking after that.

It was enough that we were playing Truth or Dare.

"Can we just play the damn game already?" Drew asked irritably. I was in the middle of explaining why it wasn't okay to just strip in a room full of guys (which, when you think about it, shouldn't _have_ to be explained to a group of usually smart girls).

"Yes. Let's do that." Paul agreed.

And so the games begin…

* * *

**(IKARISHIPPING, BABY!)**

**Dawn's POV: **

"O-_kay_, emo prince. Since you're _so_ excited to play, why don't you go first? Truth or dare?" I said, smirking at Paul.

"Fine. Truth." He said after some deliberation.

"Anybody got a truth for the passive-aggressive master over here?"

"I've got one." Gary said smirking. "Between May, Dawn, and Misty, who would you date, marry, and kill?" I didn't really like this truth; it wasn't very interesting and I just _knew_ who Paul would choose to kill.

"Can't I just kill them all?" Paul asked, in a very douche-y way. Lovely. I can _totally_ see why we're friends with this guy.

"No." Gary rolled his eyes. "Quit stalling, man."

"Okay. Date May, marry Misty, kill Dawn." Paul sighed, pointing to each of us in succession.

"Ugh!" I huffed. "Why would you want to marry Misty?"

I got a glare from the aforementioned red-head for that one.

"Because she doesn't have ADHD like you and May do, Troublesome." Paul answered simply.

"Hey!" May and I protested in unison. I snorted.

"Well why are you dating May then?" I inquired with a flip of my blue hair (I could almost see May get flustered and wondering how the _fuck_ it was even _possible _to have that color hair naturally. Really, she's one to talk. Her hair almost defies gravity. And, plus, if she didn't like weird hair, why would she be so in lust with Drew?).

"Because to the best of my knowledge, May never tries to fly." Paul rolled his eyes.

"That's a low blow, plum-head." I said.

"Is somebody jealous?" Paul asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Hah! You'd like that wouldn't you?" I replied with a laugh, looking at him and winking. Liquor, when it didn't make me suicidal, made me flirty.

"So what if I would?" Paul asked, smirking.

"Oh admit it, you want me-" I started before his words sunk in. "Wait what?"

"Tch. Troublesome. Maybe you should listen to someone before you start talking. It's like you only hear half of what I'm saying." Paul rolled his eyes.

"Stop calling me Troublesome!" I yelled, listening to only the first bit.

"See, you're doing it again." Paul said, and again I wasn't listening.

"Look mister, if I'm so troublesome, why do you hang out with me?" I asked, hands on hips. The room was a little swirly right now, and I was not appreciating his confusingness. Yes, I knew it wasn't a word. Shut up.

"You never shut up, do you? Maybe I should _make _you shut up." Paul said, and I heard it all this time.

"Wait what? What are you planning, Plum-" I was cut off when Paul's lips came crashing down on mine. I didn't know what to do so I clung to him, kissing him back for all I was worth.

When we finally pulled away, enjoying our friends' shocked faces, I smirked up at Paul. "Now see? If you killed me, who'd kiss you like that?"

"Tch. Troublesome." Paul said, calling me by the name that I hate. But he smirked and kissed me. So I could live with the nickname.

For now.

**(IKARISHIPPING END)**

* * *

**(POKESHIPPING MY PRETTIES)**

**Ash's POV**

"Ash? Truth or Dare?" Dawn asked excitedly. Actually, Dawn did pretty much everything excitedly. My younger friend reminded my of myself when I first started on my Pokémon journey.

"Dare of course!" I yelled. Drew smirked and it scared the hell out of me. He started whispering with Gary and I got even more afraid.

* * *

**Misty's POV:**

Drew leaned over and whispered something to Ash that I couldn't hear.

"WHAT! NO WAY! DO I _LOOK_ SUICIDAL TO YOU!" He screamed in Drew's ear, which I found very funny.

"Gah! Idiot! That hurt my eardrums!" Drew whispered something else, but all I could make out was "just for that," and I felt bad for poor Ash.

"I hate you so much, Drew." He hissed, glaring at the green-haired boy.

"Thank you." Drew said in a low voice, smirking. "Well, are you gonna do the dare or not, Ash?" Drew asked at normal volume, leaning away from Ash and smirking even wider as he glanced at me.

"Sure." Ash grumbled.

"Hey Misty, for the dare, we need a bottle of soda. Can you run into the kitchen and get some?" Drew asked, and Ash gulped.

"Why don't you get it? Why me?" I asked, perplexed.

"Paul and I have to keep an eye on Ash to make sure he doesn't bolt. Dawn is too forgetful, Leaf is too hotheaded, and May is a klutz. It has to be you." Drew explained, and then gave me directions to the kitchen.

When I turned around towards the hallway, I heard Ash call out.

"Wow. You have a nice ass, sweet-cheeks."

* * *

**Ash's POV:**

"What. Did. You. Just. Say?" Misty asked through gritted teeth.

"Uhh…Nothing!" I squeaked.

She hit me hard on the head with a mallet.

"OWWW!" I screamed, clutching my head.

"Ash, I thought you were better than that!" Misty yelled, looking upset and angry. She kept beating me with the mallet.

"You're such a jerk!" She screamed. "I'd expect that kind of thing from Gary, but you?"

"HEY!" Gary called in indignation.

Owowowowowowow my spine wasn't supposed to bend that way!

"Misty! I DARED HIM TO SAY IT! STOP! YOU'RE KILLING HIM!" Drew shrieked, losing his cool.

"Wait what?" Misty stopped beating me. "It was a dare…?"

"YES!" I whimpered. "Please don't hurt me!"

"OhmygodI'msoooosorrrypleaseforgiveme!" Misty begged, her eyes wide. She hugged me hard, trying to be careful of my new bruises.

"It's alright, Misty." I said, hugging back and blushing. "I forgive you."

"You do?" Misty asked, hugging me even tighter.

"Of course." I said, and then I kissed her quickly on the lips. Misty blushed very prettily and looked away.

"AWWWW!" May, Dawn, and Leaf squealed in unison.

"EWWWW!" Drew, Paul, and Gary yelled in unison.

"Hey, that reminds me." Misty said. "Which one of you idiots came up with that dare?"

Drew and Paul immediately pointed to Gary. Gary, not knowing what to do (and being slightly inebriated), pointed at a painting on the wall.

"Oh? It was the painting?" Misty asked, looking at him like he belonged in an insane asylum.

"…Yes?" Was Gary's response.

"Gary, I'm going to _kill_ you!" Misty screamed.

"I'm too pretty to die!" Gary cried, protecting his face.

Misty started beating him relentlessly, and I just smiled.

"That's my girl." Misty winked at me before she resumed beating Gary.

**(POKESHIPPING END)**

* * *

**(OLDRIVALSHIPPING, BABBYYY) **

**Leaf POV:**

I hated this game.

"LEAF! TRUTH OR DAREEEEEEEE~?" Dawn squealed right in my ear. I _really_ hated this game.

"Dawn, calm down." I said, pinching the bridge of my nose. The room was kind of fuzzy, and I took that as a bad sign.

"Truth…" I answered, looking at the floor. Did I mention that I hated this game?

"Who do you have a crush on?" Dawn asked giddily. She was giggling like a little girl, and I rolled my eyes.

"How old are you, 12?" I asked skeptically, one eyebrow arched.

"Embarrassed?" Dawn smirked. Then she gasped. "He's in this room, isn't he?" She erupted in a fit of giggles.

"Dawn, no more alcohol for you. Ever, ever again." I said, putting my face in my hands to cover my blush.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She squealed, horror on her face.

"Leaf, we all had to do it. You do too." Ash said, smiling.

"I don't have a crush." I lied, still looking at the floor. I wanted very badly to look at Gary, but that would give it all away. Honestly, it was my fault for falling for such a player. But still. I didn't want to _tell_ him that.

"LIAR!" Dawn shrieked, before laughing again. What the hell? She needed to learn how to hold her liquor.

"I'm not lying!" I yelled, looking up. "I don't like anybody!"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Gary raise an eyebrow. "Me thinks the lady doth protest too much." He said with his arrogant smirk.

"Me thinks you better shut up before I- wait. Did you just quote _Shakespeare_?" I was stunned, really. Since when did Gary _know _things? Why wasn't I informed about this?

"Don't sound so surprised!" Gary said indignantly. "And besides. I already know who you like."

"No you don't!" I yelled, only to see Gary's self-satisfied smirk. "Uhhh…I mean… I don't like anyone." I cough/laughed awkwardly.

"Suuuure you don't." Gary said as he leaned closer. "Just admit it: you like me." Gary said the last part in a sing-song voice.

"Hah!" I snorted. "As if I would _ever_ like _you_!" I laughed, but it sounded fake even to me.

"Well _that_ was convincing." Gary rolled his eyes. "What if I said that I liked you?" He looked me in the eye.

I was quiet for a second.

"I'd say shut up and kiss me." I looked at him and smirked, challenging him. He smirked back.

"Can do." He said, and then his lips were on mine, and I had my arms around his neck.

"Get a room!" Chorused our friends.

"That sounds fun." Gary smirked.

I slapped him. Gary looked shocked, but then I kissed him again and he got over it.

Boys were _so_ easy to train.

**(OLDRIVALSHIPPING END)**

* * *

**Drew's POV:**

It was my turn.

"TRUTH OR DARE, GREEN ONE?" Dawn shrieked.

"Dare, I guess." I shrugged while covertly inching away from the crazy bluenette.

May smiled widely. Oh god…

"I dare _you_ to be _my_ maid until your parents get back!" She squealed. She had a triumphant smirk on her face.

"I am soooo stupid." I muttered, head in hands. Of course May had been planning this from the get-go.

"YES! I GOT IT!" May screamed, pumping her fists in the air.

"Got what?" Leaf asked, cocking her head.

"Well, I wanted to record Drew's reaction and…well, I did!" May pronounced happily. "So Drew saying 'I'm soooo stupid' is going to be my new ringtone!" She did a weird victory dance and I slapped my forehead.

"Oh? Can you send it to me?" Paul asked. Everyone else murmured in agreement.

So now everyone's ringtone was me saying 'I'm soooo stupid' _and_ I had to be May's maid.

FML.

* * *

**May's POV:**

A few hours later, Drew, Misty, and I were the only ones still awake. I yawned, and almost toppled over. We'd found Gary's travel bar, and now I was _drunk_.

"I'ma…go to bed now…" I muttered, and made my way to what I thought was my room.

I saw a sleeping-bag on the floor and remember that Dawn and Leaf had called the bed. I climbed into it and made myself comfortable.

It was really, really warm. Almost like there was somebody else in there. I opened my eyes to the pitch blackness. _Nah, couldn't be, _I assured myself, _they would've told me_.

* * *

I was almost asleep by the time the lights turned on and I heard a very angry grass-head shout "Gary! What the _hell_ are you doing to May?"

I opened my eyes to the blinding light and turned around in the sleeping-bag.

"Oh hey Gary." I muttered to the person next to me. "Wait. Gary?" I wriggled out of the sleeping-bag and backed away…Only to bump into Drew. He caught me, though. Just like he always did when I was drunk and stumbling. A little like a safety-net for liquor.

"Drew…way to be a member of the CBA." A disgruntled Gary said, rubbing his eyes.

"The _what_?" Drew asked, looking about ready to punch Gary in the face.

"The Cock Blocking Agency." Gary explained, laying back in his sleeping-bag.

"Like you'd ever get any." Drew rolled his eyes. Then he turned his gaze on me. "May, are you okay?"

"Yeah." I murmured, and I felt his hand go around my arm as he led me to my own bedroom. He helped me to the leather couch in my new room and put a blanket over me.

"Night, May." He said and, though my eyes were closed, I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Night, maid." I responded.

"GODDAMNIT!" Was all I heard before I fell asleep.

* * *

**FIN!**

**Another long chapter. Tomorrow, their friends will leave and Drew's new maid job will start, I promise! :DDD Oh, and coordinating will be in a few chapters, since I like to write it.**

**Also, I do one-shot requests now. Look on my profile for more info, but basically PM me with a pairing, story idea, or both and I'll try and make a one-shot. **

**Thanks! Any words from the peanut gallery?**

**May: DREW! Fetch me something to drink.**

**Drew: Rot in Hell, PixieDust.**

**Me: I love you too, Drew.**

**Drew: *growls***

**Me: Uhhhh…****BYE EVERYONE!**


	5. French Maids Make Good Facebook Material

**A/N: First, a thanks to Misty-chan for the use of some of her ideas, if a little inverted. This is dedicated to her. Especially because it helped remind me what I had originally intended for this chapter. So. It might be a little shorter than usual, but, it's an actual chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Do I even need to put this anymore?**

**.**

**.**

* * *

**May's POV:**

"I'm not wearing this." Came the voice through the door, and it took all my willpower not to laugh.

Well, not to laugh _loudly_.

"Drew, I do believe that you don't have a choice." I pointed out. There were a few beats of silence before he groaned.

"Fine. But if you take any pictures, I swear to _God _I will fire you and systematically destroy _everything you love_."

"Okay." I conceded.

"Promise you don't have a camera." Drew ordered, which _he had no right to __do_. Didn't he remember? He was my maid now. Ha.

"I promise I don't have a camera…"

The door swung open, and there stood Drew, dressed in the quintessential French maid's uniform, lacy apron and all.

"…but Gary does."

I had the decency to wait until after Drew had shut the door again to burst out laughing.

"I hope you know this is going on Facebook!"

* * *

**Drew's POV:**

"I hate you." I really, really did.

"No you don't, you love me." May responded from where she was sitting on my bed.

"No. I hate you. I hate you and everything you stand for." I said, glaring at the uniform she had made me wear. I was a little torn between going to therapy for the emotional scarring, burning the damned thing, and killing May. I was leaning towards doing all three.

"You don't hate me. You have too much unresolved sexual tension directed at me to hate me." May said confidently.

I made an indignant noise and was about to refute that when she cut me off. "Calm down, Grass Head, I was kidding. Now make me a coffee." May rolled her eyes and I tried (and failed) not to flush.

"I will not." I flicked my hair.

"Again, you don't have a choice."

"But-I-_no_." I refused. I wouldn't. I would not let her make a fool of me. I wouldn't let her-

"Drew, you know what happens when you break a dare, right?" May asked with a dangerous glint in her eye. I shuddered, remembering the last time I had broken one of her dares. You don't want to know what happened, but it involved taco sauce, two bottles of nail polish, a lemur, twelve cacti, a Rubix Cube, a seedless watermelon, and an off-Broadway production of _Wicked_. It wasn't pretty (I burned all the photos, but something tells me May still has some copies of them).

"…yes."

"Then make me some coffee."

"How do you want it?" May smirked at that and it didn't really help the blush at _all_. Since when do I blush, anyways? God, I hated her. So, _so _much.

"Didn't Sonya leave a recipe book?" May asked in an are-you-stupid tone of voice.

"Oh. Right."

I turned on my heel and walked out the room, towards the kitchen, and probably towards some sort of coffee-related demise.

"Fuck!" It was barely audible because I was already down the first flight of steps, but it sounded like May. I ignored the part of me that urged to go check on her and see what was wrong and instead focused on the part of me that laughed at her irritation.

* * *

**May's POV:**

_Well, I'm screwed_.

I figured I should probably just accept my death gracefully, so I didn't stop him.

* * *

**Drew's POV:**

Inside the giant labyrinth that was my kitchen, it took me five minutes to find what I was looking for: a little, worn book that had Sonya's name on it.

I started flipping through it and noticed that Sonya _really _didn't like me. Good thing I fired her.

"Ah. Here it is." I started reading through the directions.

.

"Wait a second."

.

"Surely she didn't mean…"

.

"I'm going to _murder her_."

* * *

**May's POV:**

So by 'gracefully', I actually meant I was going to hide under his bed and hope he doesn't find me.

"MAY!"

I obviously didn't say anything.

"May, I know you're under my bed. Get out or you're going to make it a lot worse on yourself."

I obliged, because he sounded really scary. And usually, I'm badass and tough-as-nails, but Drew can be _very _intimidating when need be.

One look at him erased any shred of doubt I had that he wasn't _that _angry.

I had seen him twenty million different shades of indifferent, all of them equally frustrating, but never had I seen him this angry.

"Fuck." I muttered.

Drew walked towards me menacingly. For every step forward, I took one back.

"May." He had a wicked, joyless smile on his face.

"Drew?" I said nervously, the inflation making it sound like a question. I was finally out of places to go, trapped between an advancing Drew and a bed. Briefly, I considered jumping over the bed and running out of the room, but Drew was faster than me and I didn't really want to get chased.

He kept advancing. "May. Did you put laxatives in my coffee? Because if you did, you made a very, _very_ big mistake."

"Sorry?" I squeaked.

"You will be." He laughed mirthlessly. He had come to a stop when he reached me, looming over me threateningly, chest pressed to mine.

It was stupid, the man was almost _homicidal_, seriously, but I blushed. Then he seemed to realize that we were, in fact, almost pressed against each other, because something in the air changed a little.

"I already am." I murmured.

"Maybe you can make it up to me." And we were probably too close, way too close, and definitely not close enough.

"How would I do that?" I swallowed hard, trying not to let my voice shake.

Drew didn't answer, at least not with words. He snaked a hand up to my hair and tilted my head back. He leaned in a little closer, and I could feel breath on my lips. I could feel my heart pounding, and I could feel his beating out a similar cadence from where we were connected. I looked at his lips, curled up into that familiar smirk, but he was too close and I went cross-eyed.

"Oh." It was more like a breath than an actual noise, but it seemed to register. Drew moved forward a little more, and if I so much as moved we'd be kissing.

_Rrrrring! Rrrrring!_

* * *

**Drew's POV:**

We sprang apart at the sound of the phone ringing. I leaned over and picked up the cordless phone that was resting on my bedside table.

"Hello?" I made an effort not to sound to breathless.

"Andrew? Is that you?" A feminine voice filtered through the receiver.

"Yes mother."

"How have things been?" She sounded a little worried, which was sweet if unnecessary.

"Good. How has your trip been?" I asked, willing myself to calm down.

"Marvelous. I do so love Sinnoh this time of year."

"That's good."

"But it seems we're going to have to cut our trip short; your father got into a bit of a grapple with a wild Shinx and well. He got a little electrocuted. We'll be back in a few days."

"Oh. Well I hope he feels better." I said. It wasn't strange for my dad to piss of local Pokemon. My dad has a confrontational, superior nature that most living things tend to hate. Pokemon included.

"How's the new maid?" She asked.

"Huh?" I asked, before I remembered that May was, in fact, my maid. "Oh! Uh. Fine. Erm. Great. Really great." I coughed and laughed, flustered.

The rest of the conversation passed in a meaningless blur before my mom said she had to go make sure dad hadn't hurt himself further.

"But before I go, why are there pictures of you dressed like a girl on Facebook?"

"I-what?" I almost wanted to kill May, but my skin was still thrumming a little from earlier. Besides, when I turned around, May wasn't there anymore.

"Bye honey."

"Bye mom."

* * *

**A/N: Hope it's okay, I know they're usually longer. Sorry. **

**Comment, tell me it sucks, tell me I have no business writing, etc. Also, happy belated birthday to this fic!**

**Also, almost!kiss. Yay? Drew's mom is such a cockblocker, for realz.**

**.**


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